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Honorary Gay Man

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What's The Point? [Jun. 24th, 2005|04:39 pm]
Honorary Gay Man
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[Current Mood |depresseddepressed]
[Current Music |Collective Soul--Skin]

Ka--

I know, I know. I haven't posted in a while, and no, I haven't been busy or anything. I've just been, well, deppressed. And it's not really over Daniel 'cause I don't really miss him since right before he left he was actting like an ass hole. I'm deppressed over my life in general. Much better huh?

What I mean is that a year ago I had my life all planed out and it was, well, not perfict...but near to it. I had a man who loved me and I loved back, I was reunited with my son and he had a baby on the way, I was going to school with a plan...an idea at least. And now it just seems to have all gone to hell. I'm living in the basement of my best friends' house for one thing. I still have my granddaughter and my son...that's all still well. But school...I just don't know how I'm going to do it. Before the plan was Daniel was going to teach and I'd be able to be a struggling author. Now I'll have to be a struggling author without the back up support of Daniel's job.

I don't know if I'm explaining this right. It's all so jumbled up in my head right now anyway. Basically, how am I going to support myself now that Daniel's gone? I mean, the grocery store can't do it all. Not unless I got a supper fat raise, and even then it'd be a strech. I'm 36 years old and I have no plan any more. I know what I want to do, but I don't know how to go about it. I can't live off of Ron and Ty forever. Even though I know they'd let me, I just couldn't do that with a clean conscience.

I normally get like this over the summer anyway: wondering if I've made the right decisons with my life and stuff...but this summer is just worse than normal. Like I haven't been writing like I used to. It's not that I have writer's block...I've got a tone of ideas, it's just that I don't have the motivation right now. What's the point, you know? It'll never get published anyway. ::sigh:: I'm just driving myself deeper and deeper into a hole. I think I'm going to shut up before I get to the point where I start to cry.

--Ka
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Comments:
From: immix2029
2005-06-24 11:01 pm (UTC)
See it differently then what you are. Pull yourself out of the spiral that you are in, dust yourself off and just start doing knowing all things are taken care of. Not sure if that makes sense or not and it may not sound like a solution but the more you worry about money the less you have. :D
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[User Picture]From: tkrd
2005-06-25 01:08 am (UTC)
Ka--

That's true...I've just got to keep pluging away...easier said than done I'm afraid...but I've gotten through worse, I can get through this too. Thanks btw. :O)

--Ka
**Authors Note** Don't forget this is all fiction...(if you don't know what I'm talking about see my user info page ;O) )
--HGM
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From: immix2029
2005-06-25 05:29 am (UTC)
Oops I forgot about that good thing you reminded me :S
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[User Picture]From: tkrd
2005-06-25 02:40 pm (UTC)
No prob...:O)
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[User Picture]From: petrajohanna
2005-06-25 10:49 am (UTC)

just added you

i have just added you, i find your F LJ rather interessting, so i will have to catch up on what is happening and do some backtracking
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[User Picture]From: tkrd
2005-06-25 02:41 pm (UTC)

Re: just added you

Glad you're enjoying it...my user info page is a good place to start..it's got background on the four main characters...added you back btw :O)
--HGM
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