|Finding My Own Place
||[Jun. 15th, 2005|02:47 pm]
Honorary Gay Man
|||||Elton John--Skyline Pigeon||]|
Well, Chad and his family left today. I had to get up early to say good-bye. I don't know if I'll ever see them again.
I talked to Chad last night and he said that he still wants me to be a part of his life, and Danielle's...but I don't know if it'll be appropriate. I guess I'll just have to play it by ear.
I called my brother Donald (he's my twin brother btw...I call him Donny, he calls me Danny)to see if I could stay with him and his family until I find my own place. He said that of course I could...but he had to check with Kelly (that's his wife.) Donny's always been real supportive of me, but Kelly...well, she hasn't. Espesolly after she had her kids. I rarely get to see them 'cause she's afraid of exposing them to the gay life style. It's really a bunch of bull shit. Amanda and Emily are 12 and 10 respectivly and they barely know their uncle 'cause their mother is afraid of me. So Donny's gonna call me back later after he talks to Kelly about the whole thing. I'm sure it'll work out. If I can't stay with them, I'll have to stay here until I find a place and that will be even more awkward than staying at Donny's.
Yeah, it's pretty awkward here right now. Like last night I was planning on sleeping on the couch, but Ka instisted that I sleep in bed with him. So I layed down and he put his arms around me and started kissing me on the back of the neck and stuff and it just felt really rehersed and routine. Like he was just trying to make me stay. It was actually rather annoying.
Now that I've got it in my head that I'm leaving everything about Ka is annoying me. It feels like everything he does is just to make me stay. Like he doesn't even really mean it. Maybe I'm trying too hard not to care.