||[Aug. 29th, 2005|02:15 pm]
Honorary Gay Man
|||||Everclear--All F**ked Up||]|
It's been such a long time since I updated...but I have a good reason. I was really sick for the past...well I guess it was the past month. I mean it was serieouse. I was in the hospital a good amount of time, and then we hired a nurse to come by every day to change my IV and stuff so I could go home. I've finally gotten stable...but I'm not back to my old self. The doctor said that this is just the way it goes. I'm at a new era of my disease. It's doubtfull that I'll ever be 100% healthy again.
You'd think I'd be upset by all this. And, well, deep down I am. But Ron and I decided something. I'm not going back to school this fall. (If I was I'd be there right now) Instead Ron and I are going to spend as much time together and travel as much as we can until...well, until it's imposible for me to travel I guess. That could be many years from now, or it could be a month. We don't really know. And it's true that traveling could wear me out even more, but I'd rather die sooner by doing what I want to do than live longer and just sit in a hospital bed my whole life.
Ron and I had a long talk about all this. At first he felt that I was "giving up" by not finishing grad school. But I told him what good would my masters be if I'm not alive to use it? I'd rather not stress over grades and papers and miss seeing Ron. I'd rather do the opposite. And so that's what we decided.
Ka's not very happy about this development. We had a couple classes together and we were going to car pool. And now he'll be going to school on his own and he'll be at the house alone a lot of the time since Ron and I will be gone. But I can't worry about Ka...I have to worry about myself and do what I need to do. I don't know how much time I have here. I want to take advantage of the time I do have. And spend it with the man I love. He's most important. And I believe that's the way it should be.